The Head
Dear Sir.

I wonder if you could help me with a problem I'm having. My uncle believes he's been abducted by space aliens. I've been trying to tell him it's just his haemorrhoids acting up but he won't be convinced. What do you think - has he been abducted by space aliens, or is it just his piles? I figured if anyone would know, you would. No pressure, but I'm very keen for a reply on this one - he's becoming quite annoying.

Yours sincerely,

Paris Portingale.

P.S. If you're looking for new astronauts, I have my own goggles. (See photo above.)