The Commissioner
N.S.W. Police

Dear Sir.

My Gran says she can smell trouble a mile off. Would this be of any help to you in your day to day policing work as I could have her out of Greendales at the drop of a hat, day or night, any time, no worries.
Also, if you're interested, I have a dog that barks whenever my brother or I light a joint. His name is King. (My dog, not my brother.)

Yours sincerely,
Paris Portingale
Mt. Victoria