The Head,

Golden Acres Retirement Home.

Dear Head,

My uncle has been living with my sister for the past 14 years. His name is uncle Ralph and is still only 79. Because of certain things (not drugs, something else,) it is no longer possible for her to look after him. Do you currently have any vacancies in your retirement home?

Heís depressed about having to move, but with my sisterís drug habit, we see it being in his own best interest. His main concern is thatís where heís going to die. (In your home.) I told him I used to have an old Toyota with unreliable brakes and I thought Iíd probably die in that, but it didnít happen, so if he starts to moan about things, just tell him some story like that. If itís any help in your decision to take him, just let me say he definitely doesnít have a drinking problem and certainly isnít an alcoholic in any way, so no trouble there.

I hope you can fit him in because that would really solve a lot of problems. Also, could you recommend somewhere that might possibly take my sister? She is only 58 but well ready for retirement.

Yours sincerely,

Paris Portingale